Wanna hear a secret? Being a new mom is hard, ya'll! I can think of other life changing situations that are probably a lot more emotionally draining, but for sheer exhaustion and stress, this has to be up there. Keep in mind that I'm not feeling that at the moment or I probably wouldn't feel like updating this outdated blog, but there have been some rough days the last few weeks. Everyone says parenthood is so rewarding, and I'm sure it will be soon, but for now, it's more like being a personal assistant to someone who's demanding and insists you be on call all hours of the day. Then makes you get up and do things for them all hours of the day. Then forgets your birthday and doesn't even recognize you when they see you in the store. I know the day is fast approaching when that little face will look up at me and smile and it will all change. Even now, at 5 weeks, Emily can hold her focus on things, so during the short spurts when she's awake and active, she'll look with those big eyes and just stare at me for a minute.

For about a week there, Emily wasn't sleeping very well at night. Or at least, she wasn't sleeping in her crib very well. She'd fall asleep with me holding her, but would wake up as soon as I set her down. Now if it takes me more than about 30 minutes to get her to sleep in the middle of the night, I just plop down on the sofa and we sleep there for a few hours until she gets hungry again. The last week or so has been much better though. Last night, she went down at about 10:30, then woke up at 12:30, 4:45, and again at 6. Each time, she ate and went right back to sleep. It's amazing how that four hour stretch makes such a huge difference.

We've at least gotten in enough of a routine that I can get out to run errands to the grocery store or the library. We just head out after she eats and she usually falls asleep in the car then stays asleep in her seat for the duration of the trip.

I'll try to make future posts a bit more riveting, or at least have them include some cute photos. For now, I hear someone calling me....

Pregnant Women are Smug

The funniest blog I know of right now is The Bloggess. The lady who does that blog posted this link via twitter and I thought I would share it with you, because I've watched it about 10 times and it still makes me laugh. (BTW, there are a couple of lines you might not want blaring from your cubicle at work, so be forewarned.)

Pregnant Tootling

Last night while waiting in the check-out line at Walmart, I farted, completely against my will. I wasn't actively trying to stop it because, to be completely honest, I didn't know it was coming. It just hapened. If you have ever been, lived with, or spent a great deal of time with a pregnant lady, this will not completely shock you. If you think pregnancy is all glowing complexion and the beauty of new life, I'm sorry to have to break it to you, but there are stinky parts too.

Pregnant or not, if you happen to accidentally fart around people, it's embarrassing. The times that this has happened to me, I play dumb. I act like nothing happened and hope I'm the only one who hear/smelled anything. Sometimes I might be right, other times people might just be polite enough to ignore it and vacate the area. Very few times will people actually call you out on this in public situations. Last night when this happened to me, there wasn't a noise to worry about, and there wasn't a room-clearing stink, but let's just said my fart added a certain aroma to the area around me. I was the last one in line, so I only had to worry about the people directly in front of me, which happened to be a mom and her son. He was about 6 years old and they were sort of joking around and talking about this and that. A few moments after I noticed the smell, the mom leaned over and whispered something to her son. Kids at that age don't always understand that when you whisper something too them, it's because you don't want the people around you to know what you're talking about, so instead of whispering anything back, he replied to whatever she said with "It wasn't me!" The mom motioned for the boy to keep his voice down, then whispered something again, to which the boy replied in the same volume, "Mom, I didn't do it!!" At this point, I could no longer pretend my tootling had gone unnoticed, but I certainly wasn't going to fess up either when I had a perfectly good scapegoat standing right there! This was the end of the mom's conversation with the boy over the topic, so I just minded my own business and pretended nothing happened.

I was telling this story to my mom later that night and we agreed that there is a definite pecking order when it comes to blame for farting. As far as I'm concerned, if a stink is discovered in the room, and someone makes mention of it, the order of blame goes as such: dogs -> young boys -> grown men -> old people -> women. I'm not saying this is the most likely order for finding out who the actual offender is, I'm just saying this is the order in which blame should be assigned. If you were to chart this progression of blame, I'm not sure where pregnant women fall, but I am pretty sure that if you were plotting actual guilt, we're probably pretty close to the top.

Slugs

At night, it's not uncommon to see a slug along one of the baseboards in my kitchen. I don't think I've ever seen more than one, but it's not always the same slug because sometimes I'll see a really little one and sometimes I see a big one. I guess they have a rotation set up. I don't know exactly where they're coming in, or why, but it might have to do with my trash can? I haven't really investigated too thoroughly.

The annoying things about slugs is that I can't kill them like other pests. If I see a spider, I step on it. If I see a wasp, I spray it from as far away as possible. If I see a mouse, I put out a trap. But what do I do with a slug? Sometimes I just throw them outside, which probably does more to frustrate the slug than it does to deter him. (I say "him", but that's not really accurate. Turns out, slugs are either hermaphrodites or females, depending on whether they've ever had their penises gnawed off.) I've heard you can set out a slug trap bated with beer, but when I tried last summer, I caught a grand total of zero slugs. I would try it again out of desperation, but we don't really drink beer, so I'd have to go to a liquor store 8 months pregnant to get a Pabst (I'm assuming slugs aren't beer connoisseurs). Plus, I don't like the idea of leaving beer out in the yard with my dog as I don't know whether she is genetically predisposed to alcoholism.

This morning when I went outside to feed my dog, there was a huge slug on the side of the house, along with two big slugs on the outer rim of my dog's food bowl. I already have an outer pan of water that the dog's food bowl sits in, but the slugs were so long and adhesive, they'd managed to cross the moat. This was the final straw. I used a stick to gather the slugs together, then went looking for the Morten girl. As soon as that salt hit the slugs, they immediately recoiled to about a third of their size. I guess this is the worst thing you can do to a slug. When I got home, they hadn't moved from their original locations, so it looked like some sort of slimy slug death camp right there on my back deck. I left the slugs where they'd died just to serve as an example to the others, but I'm not sure slugs have attained the sort of cognitive abilities required to appreciate the weight of the threat against them. I'll just have to wait and see.

Rabid Velociraptors - Knowing is Half the Battle

Last week someone at work sent me a link to a webpage explaining the dangers of velociraptors. According to the website, "velociraptor attack is the 3rd leading cause of death for men age 27-29." And this whole time I've thought the 3rd leading cause of death for that age group was scurvy (right behind "stupid bicycle tricks" and heart disease).

After calculating the risk of death by velociraptor, I got to thinking about what other under-publicized causes of death might be lurking in the shadows of ignorance. The first thing that came to my mind was rabies. Most people don't realize how serious rabies is, but you really have to be careful. For instance, you may think that rabies can be cured by a little shot, but that's only if you seek early treatment. Once the rabies virus has reached the brain and symptoms begin to appear, treatment is useless. You can count on one hand the number of documented cases of people surviving symptomatic rabies. This is serious business!

While I was thinking about this, it occured to me that there was a potention overlap in these two dangers. I can't find any research on the subject, but can you imagine the damage that could be spread if velociraptors can carry rabies? I've only ever heard of rabies infecting warm-blooded mammels, but if velociraptors have evolved to be able to open doors, what else are they capable of???

I suppose it's a moot point as to whether velociraptors can transmit rabies, because what are the chances of surviving a velociraptor attack in the first place? However, have you seen the amount of saliva those thing produce? Consider the dire situation you'd be in if you survived a velociraptor attack with only cuts and scrapes, only to find out later that the infected raptor spit got into one of the cuts and left you with a raging case of rabies? Talk about raining on your parade.

Please, dear readers, I don't write this to scare you. In fact, I hope, if nothing else, this post will empower you. Know your enemy (whether it be velociraptors, rabies, or both) and know how to combat them. If you fear you may be exposed to any of these threats in the future, please keep a tire iron handy and talk to your doctor about vaccination.

Baby room update

For those of you interested in baby updates...this one's for you.

We got the replacement leg for the crib so Daniel finished putting that together. We've since added a glider, which is amazingly comfortable. The one we got not only glides, but reclines, which I think means if it were a decorating component on The Sims, the "comfort" stat would be a solid 9.

In other baby-related news, this week marks the transition from second to third trimester. Still smooth sailing up to this point, so no complaints. I have a check-up with my doctor tomorrow afternoon, but I think it's just going to be a quick one. No ultrasounds and no drinking glucose laden orange soda this time.

Lols

You know how people often write "LOL" in online conversations, even though they're not really LOLing?  Well, here is a blog that actually makes me LOL on a regular basis.  Except sometimes I'm at work and have to stiffle it, but the LOLs are real.